I was sat here listening to Who You Are by Jessie J and I felt inspired to write a post about who I really am.
It's hard to approach this without getting nervous and a little clammy. Am I really going to open up to people who have never met me?
Will I be judged? Disliked?
It's a risk I'll have to take because I'd like to finally get it off my chest.
As some of you might have noticed... I do have a chubby face! I am a bigger girl.
A size 18 girl.
Yep, I said it loud and... not so proud. I'd like to say it's in my genes and go into a huge rant and deny any gluttony at all but it's just not the case. I eat for comfort. I enjoy eating for comfort. Do I feel guilty afterwards? Of course I do but I just have no self control when I'm upset. I need comfort.
I only have one other family member who is on the bigger side and that's my older sister.
My mother is this bronze goddess who is 5 ft 11 and is naturally thin. I am a pale, English rose who is 5 ft 5 and I have the most amazing curves... if only you could see them under the fat. I don't know how it got this far. I don't know how I blinded myself to this. I'd convince myself that I just felt ill because of a migraine and not the binge of chocolate and coca cola two hours earlier.
I've jumped from bad friendship to bad friendship and I've not been able to keep one friendship going... whether it's down to them leaving town or us growing apart. The truth is... I'm a strange girl. I'm not your average woman. There are two sides to me...
Side 1 enjoys: Roller derby, zombies, aliens, 80s rock music, Tim Burton and accessories that have woodland creatures on them.
Side 2 loves: Pink, kittens, make up, dancing, Disney princesses, lace and ruffles.
It's not hard to see why I got bullied at school and why friends grew away from me as they discovered Britney Spears and alcopops.
I'm at a point in my life where I can say I'm genuinely happy.
I have the most amazing boyfriend who I can imagine being with forever. I'm not comfort eating at all. I'm not insecure. I don't remember the last time I had an anxiety attack.
There is no excuse for me to overeat now. None at all. I do find myself eating out of boredom or habit but I need to make a conscious effort to stop that.
Enough is enough.
I love baking and learning to cook but I generally take that as an invitation to eat everything I've made because I've made it. From now on I'm going to be learning how to bake and cook healthier things.
I should be cooking 'different' food anyway.
I'm lactose intolerant and suffer from severe migraines so I shouldn't be having red wine, cheese or chocolate. I've been putting myself through so much pain and discomfort for a quick fix. WHO DOES THAT?
I'm fed up of the sickness and cramps. I'm fed up of the severe migraines and temporarily losing my sight.
I'm annoyed with feeling slugging and unfit.
I'll be documenting my progress with my healthier lifestyle and cooking.
I used to go to aerobics and zumba classes and I might pick it up again.
Wish me luck.